Friday, January 22, 2010

Shaking My Fist at Diabetes by Jaye Lewis


Hello friends,
Well, it’s settled. I’m seeing my doctor on Tuesday, and I’m going on insulin. I believe that she was trying to gently nudge me that way, but I wanted to try a different set of pills, and it’s just not working. I’m scared. I admit it. Just the feeling of the unknown. I did Byetta, which made me very sick, but insulin is a natural replacement for what the body lacks.

I’ve watched my glucose levels creep up, even when I skipped a meal. I’m thinking that my pancreas is shutting down, or not putting out enough insulin. My head knows that I haven’t failed, but my heart feels as though I have. Perhaps this is one of those moments when humility is a great teacher.

I’ve cried for a half-hour, a long time for me. I don’t cry in defeat. I have a great love for God, as many of you know. I worship Him in my heart and mind. I have worshipped Him in my body, also. For four years I controlled my diabetes, with diet and exercise, in what I call “My Worship Walk.” But now, it’s time for a new kind of worship. A worship of acceptance. A worship of surrender. This time, I give God all my pride in my accomplishments. I give Him my tears. I give God my life, to do with as He wills, and I know His touch will be gentle, as always.

So, if you too are on insulin, or you will be going on insulin, or you know and love someone who is or must go on insulin, believe that this is not a failure, of either spirit or will. Our failure would be to live in denial and hasten our own deaths.

The fight, as I have said before, is not with ourselves, but with our disease. Diabetes is the enemy. But we have been taught to love our enemies, so I will. For me, this is a new journey.

My youngest daughter says: “Getting on insulin is not coming to the bitter end of a fight. It is a continuation of the battle with a different arsenal. You are still fighting the disease. That hasn’t changed. The only bitter end is when you give up, and stop trying to battle the disease.”

Then she said something extraordinary: “Again, insulin is not a failure. It is ‘shaking of the fist’ and saying that it hasn’t beaten you yet. Thumbing the nose, as it were. I will thumb with you. I am thumbing the nose at it and supporting you in the battle.” Trust me, I could not have said it better myself.

So, with the support of my family, and the gentle touch of God, I thumb my nose at my disease. I will fight, and I hope my battle will be an encouragement to you. Remember, God is good. He is not the bringer of disease. He is the Healer. He heals my soul, and I feel His presence right now.

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me. Thank you for my loving family. Thank you for the wisdom of my child, now a wise and wonderful woman. Thank you for both my daughters, whose sweet spirits are willing to do all it takes to help their mother be successful in this battle. And for my husband, Lord, what good thing did I do that You should bring Him into my life? I know, Lord, it is not my goodness, but yours. I accept this challenge, Lord, I hope with true humility, and I give you the praise and glory forever.
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Life Is Not the Enemy by Jaye Lewis


Today is the first day of the next phase of my life, as a diabetic. It’s Saturday morning, and all the house is asleep. I couldn’t sleep in, since my dogs were pestering me to go outside, and to eat. Dogs are funny like that, especially my weenie dog, Happy. He gives me a poke with a cold, wet nose, and he whines at the door. So I got up, and I took him and Jessie, our Australian Shepherd mix, outside, and when I brought them in, I fed them.

That wasn’t the only thing that spurred me out of bed. You see, I saw my doctor yesterday, and once again, my medication was changed. My diabetes has been changing for quite some time. My blood sugar has been high. Oh, nothing elaborate, until my six months on prednisone last year, when my blood sugar went through the roof, and I became so bloated, it looked like I was going to explode. Finally, at the end of that plague year for our family, I was back on track, but my blood sugar never fully recovered.

So, as you have read on previous posts, my doctor and I tried everything that was new, and nothing would completely control my diabetes. And as I learned yesterday, my A1c is now well above 7.0. Yeah. My diabetes medication recently has been Januvia in the morning, and Glumetza 500 at supper. I was expecting miracles, but my blood sugar was still climbing. Since I don’t eat sugar, I was getting frantic. Januvia was great, until about the middle of the day. Then my glucose began a rapid climb, no matter what I ate. By the time I took my Glumetza 500, for supper, my blood sugar would test at nearly 200. By bedtime, I would test 200 easily, and sometimes even more.

So, I started skipping lunch, because by lunchtime, I just couldn’t stand the numbers I’d see afterwards. This became a vicious cycle. My next move was to not test at all. I know. Shame on me! Finally, I did some Googling on my medications: Januvia and Glumetza. I discovered that Glumetza can be raised to 1000mg, or even higher, if necessary. I was ecstatic. My gosh, it just might be perfect for me.

So, I called my pharmacist, an essential part of my health care program. He has become a dear friend, who has saved my life more than once. We discussed how an increase in my Glumetza strength, along with the Januvia, could get my numbers under control. My doctor agreed. She suggested that Januvia in the morning and two 500mgs of Glumetza, one at lunch and one at dinner, might be even more effective.

Well, I’ll be darned! It worked. In a day. This morning my fasting blood sugar was 112. I haven’t seen that in over a year! And I feel better, suddenly. My nighttime pain levels were down considerably last night, Indicating what I should have known all along. Sugar hurts. High glucose can cripple you. I’ve got to tell you, I have a high pain threshold, but my pain levels have become unbearable. Last night, I could feel my pain leveling off, at a bearable state, and now I have hope that I may once again be nearly pain free. I hope that for each and every one of you.

Do not give up! You hear me? Fight! Fight this disease. Life is not the enemy! Diabetes is.
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