The diagnosis was diabetes. It wasn’t my preferred diagnosis to explain my symptoms: blurred vision, weakness and fatigue, bruising, sudden weight gain, and overwhelming thirst. I also have a family history of diabetes, and adult onset asthma, which was treated with prednisone, did not help. I ballooned to nearly 200 pounds.
In my childhood, my mother did all she could to help me understand how to delay, or even defeat diabetes. Healthy eating choices and sustained exercise, even walking, is your best defense against the disease. Because of her wisdom and knowledge, I was able to delay the disease all the way into my fifties.
One day after suffering through a long period of illness, I suddenly realized that I had not escaped my family genetics. I called my doctor, and I told her I had diabetes. I was sure of it. I suggested a fasting blood breakfast test. Simply put, a breakfast test requires that you have your finger pricked after fasting the entire night before. Once they’ve established your fasting number – mine was 115, while 80 is normal – then you go out and have a big breakfast. Now, here’s the catch: from your first bite or drink of orange juice, you begin the count of 2 hours. Then you must be sitting in the doctor’s office at exactly 2 hours ― announcing your arrival to the nurse ― to have your finger pricked again. If your number is high — mine was 256 — then you have diabetes. But only your doctor can make the diagnosis.
My doctor still required me to have a glucose tolerance test. Now that’s more than a finger prick. That’s vials of blood. First, they take your blood to discover your fasting number. Since mine was pretty high, they should have called my doctor first, but they didn’t. Instead they gave me the most gosh-awful tasting pretend orange soda to drink, and let me tell you, I just gagged that stuff down in one gulp. Sipping delays the inevitable, and it can cloud the results of the test. Well to make a long story short, my top number was 302. I had diabetes.
When my doctor read the number, I thought she was going to cry. She so wanted me to avoid this disease. I wanted to put my arms around her, because she had done so much to help me get well, just from my asthma.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I can handle this. It’s what my family does. It’s who we are.”
“But I don’t know if I can handle it,” she answered, with a sigh, “and it certainly is not who I am.” It was obvious that she really cared about me, and I will never forget her care and concern for me.
She prescribed 1/2 an Avandia, daily, and ordered me to eat an 1800 calorie diet. Avandia worked for awhile, but then I started having sudden drops in my blood sugar. From 120 – pretty steady – suddenly down to 60. I blacked out in Wal-Mart. I collapsed on the stairs at Church, causing more than one person to suppose that I had a drinking problem.
Why me? I asked God, nearly every day, reminding Him of just how faithful I was. I told Him, in case He forgot, just how many times a day, that I had spoken to Him as my true Father. I informed Him that I had always believed I was one of His favorites. I suppose that the next sentence was, “Now DO something! The heavens seemed remarkably silent.
I was angry that my tests were positive. I was relieved that my tests were positive. I finally had an answer. I finally knew what my problem was, but I also wondered, why had I bothered to watch my diet for fifty years? Why had I walked thousands of miles over my lifetime just to avoid the disease? Why had I bothered to do any of the healthful things, that I had done? Just look at how God had struck me down!
“WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME???!!!” I cried. God’s illumination and understanding did not come quickly. It has unfolded, slowly, and I’m still learning.
I believe that one of God’s answers to me, is you. In traveling this journey to understand, perhaps I can help you. Perhaps you are standing where I was. Perhaps you feel anger and confusion. How could a loving God allow this? You’ve been good and faithful. You don’t deserve this. GOD! WHERE ARE YOU NOW THAT I REALLY NEED YOU???!!
I’ve been there. I’ve been you. And sometimes, even now, with so long a road behind me, I still cry out to God and ask WHY. He has given me some answers, and He has left many questions unanswered. I will share with you what I know about diabetes and God. I hope you will join me in this journey, so that we may walk this road together.
With love,
Jaye Lewis
http://www.entertainingangels.org/
http://www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com/
http://www.jayelewisdiabetesdiary.blogspot.com/
