Searching for Miracles by Jaye Lewis

Before God spoke the universe into existence He knew my name.

Before He created the atmosphere He held me in His heart.

Before He created the oceans, the land, the plants and creeping things He chose the color of my hair.

Before He created the animals and before He created the first man He loved me.

He placed within Adam’s body all of the DNA of every human being who would ever walk the earth, and within him he placed the color of my eyes.

Before He knit me together within my mother’s womb he cherished the sound of my laugh.

Before I shed my first tear he felt my pain.

Before my sin, my sorrow, and my stubborn disobedience, he chose to carry them to the Cross. He hung there His blood pouring out…for me.

Why he chose to do this I cannot comprehend. God wanted me to be his own child. How can that be? With all of my flaws and character defects He wanted me to believe in Him, and He gave me the grace to believe in myself.

God loves me with a fire that can never be quenched. I am special to him, even if I am not special to anyone else, including myself.

I have tried to perfect myself, and I have failed.

I have tried to believe the world’s message, but I have found no answers.

I have followed the paths forged by others only to find disaster at every bend in the road.

Only God has given me the answers that I have sought. Peace. Love. Fulfillment.

The change in my life is not a complicated one.

It’s not about how good I am or how I pray or how often I go to church. It’s not about money or fame or popularity.

I cannot speak for others. They must decide for themselves.

I only know that the world has given me no happiness.

After searching my entire life, I have only been able to find the answers to my questions, on my knees at the foot of the Cross.

© Jaye Lewis, 2003

Moderation in All Things by Jaye Lewis

It’s not easy. The apple pie is glistening in it’s own syrup. The spice cake is just waiting for my teeth to scrape it off the fork. And the chocolates. Cake. Brownies. Double-chocolate walnut cookies. And shiny, custard pumpkin pie. Yum. Yum. All the tastes and smells of the season. It is a veritable feast for the eyes and the nose. Not all cultures celebrate the same feast, but all of us celebrate our holidays with food. How is a diabetic to win?

One of the things that we have done, in our household, is to re-create our old recipes. We’ve learned to make apple pie with sweet apples, like “golden delicious,” and NO SUGAR. Yes that’s right. No sugar. We spice it up with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and vanilla, and the apples do the rest, by bubbling up the mixture into a lovely, natural syrup. We also leave off the bottom crust, covering only the top. We love to cut the top crust into shapes, with cookie cutters, and decorate the top of the pie with the cut outs. It’s easy, then, to shave off some calories and fat, by staggering the pieces, with just enough crust to give everyone a taste.

Another discovery we’ve made is a natural syrup called “Agave,” which is boiled down from the desert plant, “Agave.” It has a lower “inulin” response, which releases its sugars into the body s-l-o-w-l-y, if it is used wisely. About 1/2 – 3/4 cup should do it in pumpkin pie, but you could go down to 1/4 cup and still taste the sweetness. Give yourself time to enjoy your feast. It takes 20 minutes from your first bite, for your stomach to know it’s being fed. Slowly eat, then wait 1/2 hour before eating dessert. Drink a large glass of water with your meal, and you will find that your will-power will have more “power.”

In the United States, Agave can be bought in health food stores and in Wal-Mart. It comes in both light and dark. The dark has a light molasses flavor, while the light is much like honey in taste. It’s wonderful on a biscuit or English muffin. Agave can also be bought through Amazon.com, for those who can’t find it elsewhere.

In the U.S., Thanksgiving and Christmas are the hardest times of the year for diabetics. It’s also the time of year that TV anchors love to ridicule people who are over-weight, which basically includes 80% of all diabetics. The TV screens are filled with nothing but the stomachs and rear-ends of people who are doing nothing more than shopping or going to work. Why is this not considered an invasion of privacy? Because they don’t film their faces?? As if the person targeted does not recognize the shoes she wore yesterday or the gentleman does not know the color of his pants and shirt!!

So, I ask those who ridicule, do you have your facts straight? Does obesity “cause” diabetes? Here are some facts from the American Diabetes “facts and myths” page.

Myth: Diabetes is not a serious disease. Fact: “Diabetes causes more deaths a year than breast cancer and AIDS combined. Two out of three people with diabetes die from heart disease or stroke.”

Myth: Obesity causes diabetes. Fact: “Being overweight is a risk factor for developing this disease, but other risk factors such as family history, ethnicity and age also play a role. Unfortunately, too many people disregard the other risk factors for diabetes and think that weight is the only risk factor for type 2 diabetes. Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight.”

For those who are interested in truly being informed, check out the facts on Diabetes.org’s Diabetes Myths page at http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/diabetes-myths/

We live in a world filled with false-health information. One of the greatest myths is that diabetics cause their disease. The other is that obese people will develop diabetes. Yet, another insists that a thin person, who exercises incessantly, will never develop diabetes. How stupid. Type I diabetes rarely promotes weight gain. Mary Tyler Moore and Halle Berry both have Type I diabetes (also called brittle diabetes). Type I diabetes usually attacks children. So, whether Type I or II diabetes, before you criticize, learn the facts.

I wonder if those who take pot-shots at us, do so because they hide secrets themselves? Strangely enough, they do not see that they are obsessed with food. It doesn’t matter if you’re in love with food, or fear it, an obsession is an obsession. A diabetic need not fear food, as long as we treat food wisely and include moderate exercise. There are also diabetes medications which can suppress appetites, and even help you lose weight. Januvia and Byetta come to mind. However, all this must be discussed with your doctor. And do your homework. If you are reading this, you have access to, literally, a world of information.

Back to our critics, especially those who run and run, and diet, diet, diet. While they may be running for their lives, we can go for a walk in the snow, or in the morning coolness in warmer locations. Walking is the perfect exercise for diabetics. Walking slowly melts the fat and, in turn, builds muscle. Take a stroll after you eat. In fact, consider doing that walking, literally, after you eat. It’s not how fast you run, but it’s how far you go that matters.

One of my tricks for getting that walking done, is to portion the walks throughout the day. When it’s light enough to see and be safe, I pop on my jacket, neck-warmer, and hat, and walk once around our circle. Then I grab one of the dogs, looking for excuses to be outside, or take several trips up and down the stairs. You know your life, and you know how to work it in. Set a timer, and take a walk when the timer goes off.

If you have a treadmill, set your pace to ten minutes at a time. If you have a long stretch of road, walk away from the house for ten minutes, then walk back home. In bits and pieces you can accomplish much. Whatever you do, be careful of “going on a diet.” Eat wisely, but eat well. Make certain that you maintain your weight by eating all foods. Then do your short stretches of walking, rowing, or cycling, and don’t give up.

When you see so-called experts speaking of the “obesity failures of society,” remember that they, too, have their issues. The Bible tells us to practice “moderation in all things.” Running for miles is not moderation. Dieting to extreme thinness can rob you of necessary fat, and your body will steal protein from your heart, which can lead to cardiac arrest.

It has taken me a year to accept that I will never be slender again. But that’s okay. I also have a warm, loving family and abundance in a time of much want. We have enough to share, and we do. God has blessed me, and I know it. I have no real complaints, except vanity. My husband and children think I am beautiful, and I have begun to realize that it is all right to grow old. Growing old beautifully, requires a heart full of love with a spirit of humility. I am now content and grateful, by the grace of God.

Have yourself a blessed holiday season filled with peace and plenty.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com

The Gift of Life by Jaye Lewis

One of the most difficult aspects of being a senior diabetic is stabilizing my diabetes. I can’t help but ask myself, which combination of medicines will maintain equilibrium, to help me control my glucose. Which combination will make me sicker, as Byetta did, especially with that whole vomit factor? It’s a delicate balance. I remain very aware that not all my medicines were especially made to go together.

For instance, I have high blood pressure, so I’m on a very effective blood pressure medication, Benecar HCT 40-12.5. This drug, which lowers my blood pressure, includes a mild diuretic that also reduces water weight gain, creating a delicate balance in my system. The down side is that I must intake more salt than I find palatable. This stimulates thirst, and thirst for a diabetic is an unpleasant experience.

Another question I have is which medicine, or combination, destroyed my sense of smell? And my sense of taste is fading also. I miss tasting food. A lot. I miss the smell. And I really miss the anticipation before I take that first bite.

I’m also on Coreg CR, a time-release beta blocker, which controls my heart arrhythmia problem, caused by my asthma drugs. My diabetes drugs are Januvia in the morning with breakfast, and Glumetza in the evening with supper. This does a pretty good job of control, while still allowing me enough blood sugar to get on my treadmill and walk for a mile, without feeling faint.

Coreg and Benecar, together, can be a great blessing. My blood pressure goes down to the level I was at in high school, and my heart-rate remains constant. But there can be a downside. If I do not take in enough salt, my blood pressure can plunge to dangerously low levels. I can faint, get dizzy, groggy, and even fall asleep. The sleep episodes can feel like dying, and if my blood pressure is extremely low, well, only God knows. Very scary.

All of these medications, and a myriad of other drugs, are necessary gifts of life to me. Not only do they promise me a longer life, but they also give me quality of life. I can exercise, work at my favorite chores, particularly gardening – all of the activities that make up my humanity. In the house, I can praise God as I precariously carry a load of towels down to the laundry. I can gaze out the window, at my beautiful mountains, as I wash another plate from breakfast.

I can run on our back deck, with our little dogs. I can play with them without tiring. I can pull weeds from my garden, rake the fallen leaves, and truly put my garden to bed. With my medications and my heart and mind in balance, I can find joy in each new day.

So, in each life, there must be made room for balance. Tears and laughter, clamor and silence, beauty and the commonplace, a walk in the fresh air and reading by a cozy fire ― all these things need balance or life can be unbearable. I have lived an unbearable life, before God gave me this one. I know what it is like to stare into nothingness and believe my life was not worth living. I’m so glad I did not choose that final answer that is so prevalent at this time of year, especially for the chronically ill.

Oh, how I remember, one particular time, when ending my life seemed my only answer. I sat on a kitchen chair, by the phone, alone. I had just called a Catholic priest, a Methodist minister, and some other cleric of another faith. Each was busy. Very busy. Could I please hurry up? Give them the short version? Moving right along. I finally hung up, and I sat in that chair, watching the stairs which led up to my bedroom.

In my hand I clutched a bottle of pills. It wouldn’t take much to swallow them. Just a glass of water. Lying down, it wouldn’t take long. Then I could drift off to sleep. It didn’t matter that I was a woman of faith. It didn’t matter that I had a child who needed me. It didn’t matter that I knew that suicide was spitting in the face of God. I was at the end of my rope, and I and my problems were the most important things in my life.

Pulling the glass of water closer, I began to unscrew the cap on the bottle of pills. Then, something extraordinary took place. I don’t know if it really happened, or if it was a dream. I don’t know if I had a vision, or if I saw only in my minds eye. I only know that it was God given.

Looking at the stairs, ready to take my own life, I suddenly saw my mother moving from the kitchen to the bottom step. Her face looked like sunlight, and on her lips was a smile. She was humming, and all at once a little laugh-bubble burst forth. She was happy. Then, I saw her climb the stairs, heading straight for my room. When she entered my room, playful mischief lit up her features. Inexplicably, I saw myself lying on my bed, an empty bottle laying open on the floor.

I could see my mother’s features change, as she tickled my toes. She could feel they were very cold. Then she felt my arm, then my face. She leaned down, laying her head upon my chest, then checking my pulse, as the full realization dawned upon her features. Her little girl was dead by her own hand.

I could hear her screaming and screaming. Then racking sobs were torn from some place deep within. Sorrow. A sense of helplessness. Questions. What had she done to cause this? How had she failed me? As I lived this hopelessness and felt my mother’s anguish, I lay my face upon the table, in the palms of my hands. I could not do it. I could not bear the thought of her grief and horror.

I immediately got up from my chair. Shaking the bottle of pills and looking at it for the last time, I walked into the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, and I placed the pills inside. As I closed the cabinet door, I heard the back door slam. My mother had been outside all along. Chills crept up my spine and into my scalp. What had just happened?

“Come out!” my mother called. “There are birds to see and sunshine to feel. Winter is over, and spring is finally here!” I could hear the joy in her voice, a rare delight.

“In a minute, Mom!” I cried. “I’m coming right now.”

My eyes traveled heavenward, and I gave a grateful sigh, for the dream or vision or wild imagination that I had just been given. I could now deal with my mother’s depression, and I could deal with mine. Perhaps I could even be a blessing to her from time to time. As I hurried out to join my mother in her celebration of spring, I thanked God, in my heart, for the realization that I finally understood. Life itself was precious, even mine.

Forty years later, I still cannot say what happened that day. I remember the moments as they happened. I see them clearly, and I believe that God sent that event, strange though it was, for a purpose beyond what I can understand. Perhaps He sent it, so that I might now tell this story to you, to give you hope that He holds your future in the palm of His hand.

Father in heaven, grant us the grace, no matter our situation, to understand that life is your precious gift to us. Help us to celebrate each of our lives, to look for and find the miracles in the day to day. Help us to understand that we have choices. We can reach out of our own suffering and look for those chances to help others, in circumstances more troubling than our own. Perhaps we’ll see the child angels on countless Christmas trees, across our land, who have childhood needs that we can fulfill. Perhaps as we take the microscope off of our own trivialities, we will see the opportunities offered to bring joy to others. For this we pray, this season, and always.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com

Struggling With Diabetes by Jaye Lewis

Hello friends,

It’s been awhile since I wrote, and I’ve been doing some thinking. I’m not living the life that God had planned for me. No, I’m not doing illegal drugs. No, I’m not breaking any laws. Or betraying my family or friends. What I’ve been doing is living in a state of denial. I have diabetes, and sometimes it makes me angry! One of the things that makes me angry the most is the loss of my sight. I have my page magnified up to 200%, and I know the day will come that I will have to magnify higher and higher. My husband says, “Well then I will get you a screen that goes from wall to wall!” He is my greatest blessing.

It’s hard being a diabetic! It’s not fair! I’m a good person! I’ve never cheated on my husband, even in thought. I don’t steal. I’m honest. I’m funny, and I’m generous. I love God. Not a day goes by without me talking to Him, praying, laughing, and sharing with Him. People think I talk to myself, but I don’t. I talk to Him, and now I’m talking to you.

You know what I’m talking about. If you have diabetes, or you love someone with diabetes, you know the battle. Exercise when your joints are screaming. Walk when your feet are burning. Look at yourself in the mirror, and try to love the person who looks out at you.

If you have diabetes AND asthma, then you know another agony. Just as your life has changed…you’re eating healthy; you’re exercising; you’ve lost weight; your sugar is perfect, and your lungs are clear…BOOM! Another asthma attack. Another course of prednisone. Sleepless nights. Prednisone means raging appetite and glucose numbers in the hundreds. It means bloating and weight gain — then starting all over again. It also means dealing with my emotions when I hear the scrawny “experts” insist that diabetics are obese because they are secret gorgers. Well, if I have a chocolate cake under the bed, then the scrawny chicken has a vomitorium tucked away in the attic!.

So I have to think about my disease another way. I have diabetes, and I hate it. I have asthma, and it’s terrifying. These are facts, but they are not my life. I have a life that is precious. To God, to my husband, to my daughters, and to myself. I am somebody, and I still have much to give. I am needed, adored, and loved. These are important bonds that keep me from falling into despair.

So what is life? Life is about giving. That’s all it’s about. God has given me this one life, and I owe it to Him to do something with my life. Do I whine? Sometimes. Do I believe that I have been cursed? No. I think I have been blessed. I have love, security, and my ability. My gift, is to encourage. So I do everything I can to honor that calling.

The internet allows me to reach out, perhaps to someone who is house bound like me or hospital bound like many of you. It allows me to communicate with someone who shares my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. You know my struggle, and I know yours.

We are worth the lives that God has given to us. Perhaps our lives are not perfect, nor are we. But we are beautiful, in the truest way of all. In our souls. In our thoughts. And in our giving. We can heal, instead of hurt, even within ourselves. I know we can, and with God’s grace, we can change our course.

So, now, my friends, may God bless and keep you. He has you carved upon the palm of His hand. He loves you in a special way, in which He loves no one else. May He walk with you, and when you feel His presence, may you reach out and take His hand.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com
www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com

Sending You a Sunset by Jaye Lewis

I have always loved sunsets. I would rather watch the sun go down in the Appalachian Mountains, than just about anything else on earth. And in the Appalachian Mountains, where I live, the sunsets are spectacular.

When my day is done, and I have slain the many dragons brought on by diabetes, nothing completes the day quite like watching the sun go down from my own back door. Living in the mountains, and watching the sun set behind the distant ridges, removes the shadows in the valleys of my life, whether made of earth or made of fear. When the sun lights the sky on fire, it is almost like I can see into heaven and behold the glory of God, in all His beauty. It is then, when the evenings hush begins, that I feel His presence.

Then I begin to talk to Him. God. I talk to Him. It has been a blissful habit of a lifetime, even when my world was darkest. And many times, dark it was. Did you know that science can tell us HOW a sunset is formed? Yes. Science can go into all kinds of dithering to prove that blaze of glory is nothing, in just a few words. Well, knowing how cannot tell you why. No. Science is not why. It is always how. I believe that I know why sunsets are so glorious. God has created them for our pleasure. As I watch, and speak to Him of my love and worship, I can feel Him very near.

So, do not try to change my worship of Him, which spills from my heart and washes my soul. Why would I trade heavenly joy for earthly mundane? It would be like capturing the beauty of a star and dashing it into the mud. How foolish.

So, this day, when my feet are stinging, and my eyes grow dim from what diabetes has done to me, I thank Him. Thank you God for making me so rich. You heard the prayers of my heart, giving me a wonderful family and all that my heart can hold. God is real, and He calls the ones who deny Him fools. Why cling to what is not, and deny the best joy of your life? Why throw away all eternity, simply because of pride in knowing how and never asking the simple question, why?

So, this day, I’m sending you a sunset in my picture above. I send it with much joy. Though your feet may sting. Though your heart may flutter. Though you may need machines to clean your blood. Though it feels as though your life is finished. It is not. You are important to God, and you are important to me. I do not see all of you. I see one of you. You are my friend, just as I am yours. We are one another’s gift. A gift of God. So, I’m sending you this sunset, my gift to you.

Heavenly Father, as diabetics, our lives often seem bleak, and the battle with this disease rages within us. We fight against diabetes, and no matter how good and faithful we are, this disease often wins. Help us, Lord, to understand that the defeat of the day, need not be the defeat of our hearts. We can be brilliant reflections of your love, even if only to ourselves. Grant us the grace to seek you, in the deepest darkness. And when life seems bright, and we are blessed at every turn, let us not then forget that it is You who makes us victorious.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com
www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com

A Successful Day by Jaye Lewis

Hello friends,

Today has been a successful day. I was able to walk over a mile on my treadmill. It took longer than it used to, but my feet held out, and my blood glucose meter showed me my results. My blood sugar lowered to 98! Yesterday, my blood sugar lowered to 99. So, in spite of having to be on two diabetes pills, exercise is still essential. I’m so grateful.

The wonderful thing about my walk, on the treadmill, is the music that moves my feet, my heart, and my soul. It’s my worship CD. Every song is Scripture based, and the music is soothing and inspirational. After five years, I still never get tired of those same songs that say so much about my relationship with God. I have missed my worship walk, and I know now, how important that walk is to me.

I still have the neuropathy in my feet. So, I have to be creative. When my Celebrex, for my arthritis first goes into my system, pain pretty much is controlled. Then I have my two Metanx, my Lyrica, and my Lamotrigine (Lamictal), which work on the nerves. They are a blessing. Then, right before I get on the treadmill, I take two Fast Release Tylenol, which dumps a mild pain-killer into my system in fifteen minutes. Well, that’s half-way into my walk. I can’t tell you that I’m pain free, but I can promise that I am pain managed. That is so important.

I’ve discovered that it is essential to get nose to nose (figuratively) with my doctor, when things are not going right. It is also important to research your disease. You cannot know too much about diabetes. Please avoid “sure cure” sites. They are so unhelpful. Just today, I received an email from a woman who wanted nothing more than to introduce me to her “sure cure,” and she would be so happy to lead me through the process and empty my bank account. I deleted the message. If we stay informed and establish a relationship with our doctor we will be able to manage our disease.


I thought that you might like to know about the diabetic foods that I have grown to love. Here they are.

Dreamfields Pasta. This is a yum-yum. Tastes just like ordinary pasta, because it is ordinary pasta, with one main difference: high protein and fiber. It really helps to be able to eat normally.

FarmBest brand probiotic yogurt. Sweetened with Aspartame, it is a real treat for a low glycemic diet. I can’t tolerate Splenda, although I began my food control with it, successfully. If you find that you can tolerate it, then I would urge you to try the many delicious products that use Splenda (sucralose) as sweetening, puddings, chocolate milk, yogurt, and a plethora of other yummy products.

Agave. This yummy, perfectly natural sweet syrup comes to us from the Agave plant. Our favorite brand is Wholesome Organic Raw Agave. It comes in dark and light, and it can be found in a good sized health food store. Agave has a very low inulin response, which helps us to control our blood sugar. Also check with your local grocery store. They may have Agave in another brand name or they might be willing to order it for you. We use light Agave at the table, to drizzle on toast. The dark, which tastes a little like light molasses is wonderful in puddings, pies, and some baked goods.

Hershey’s cocoa. Wow! I bet you are surprised with this. However, this is how I make sugar free cocoa.

Recipe: Pour 1/3 cup Instant Non-Fat Dry milk into bottom of cup, along with a heaping teaspoon of powdered cocoa. Stir.

Slowly add 1/3 cup evaporated milk, while stirring, until it becomes a thin paste and all lumps are gone.

Next slowly stir boiling water, into the cup leaving room at the top for adjustment of ingredients (I always like to add more evaporated milk), until all ingredients are combined.

Add 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla and 2 packs of your favorite sweetener.

I love hot cocoa on a crisp fall day, after coming in from raking a pile of leaves. Makes me feel warm and toasty.

So, now my friends, don’t be discouraged . It’s not easy, and I know it. I have no idea where I will be in six months. Will I be slim, or at least slimmer? I don’t know. Will my diabetes be controlled? I don’t know that either. But movement forward is the key. If we move forward, with our eyes not on ourselves, I think we can make it, successfully, to the finish line.

Father in Heaven. Thank You for giving us life. Help us to understand that our bodies are temples, and that we must take care of ourselves, especially when it is hard. Forgive us for the despair, fear, and defeat that we often feel. Grant us the grace to place our trust in You.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.jayelewisliliesofthefields.blogspot.com
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com

Again and Again by Jaye Lewis

One of the hardest struggles I have as a diabetic, is maintaining a healthy weight. Both my diabetes and asthma medications promote weight gain. It’s a vicious cycle. Medicine heals me and hurts me. I can’t live without the one, yet the side effects of the medications slow my metabolism to a halt. As a diabetic, I’ve discovered that diet and exercise alone, works only as long as my disease remains constant. When my disease progressed, and my A1c shot up from a low 6.2 up to a high 7.0, I had no other choice, but to go on medication. I learned the hard way, that diet and exercise is not a guarantee that one will always be successful at staying off of medication.

Diabetes is a complex disease, and it amazes me that there are those self-styled “wellness doctors,” who argue that diabetes is the patient’s fault. They’re lazy, glutinous, and even want to stay sick. Thank you very much. My best efforts did not create a miracle. My diabetes was not cured, because of some whole grain muffin worshiper and media doctor to the stars. My diet and exercise program merely delayed my need for diabetes drugs, as I denied my need for muffins.

After four-and-a-half years on my treadmill, five days a week, and a half hour a day, I was beaten by a terrible side effect of my disease – diabetic neuropathy – which is, basically, the death of the nerve cells in my feet. The neuropathy caused so much pain, I could barely stand. Staying on my treadmill was agonizing, and the weight that I had lost over those years, simply piled back on. I felt that God was punishing me, and I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I had tried to be obedient, and obviously I failed.

It didn’t help that every TV anchor with a perky personality, and no medical training, suddenly became an “expert” on diabetes.

“Yes, Jeff, those pictures of fat stomachs are alarming, as well as, just gross. Tee-hee!”

“I know, Amanda (wink-wink), it’s such an abomination that people would let themselves go, like that, especially with diabetes. Everyone knows (the great deity of no one knows), that Type II diabetes can be controlled, always (by everyone), with diet and exercise. Don’t these diabetics understand that they can lose a foot or kidney function or their sight, and even their lives?!”

Ah, yes, Jeff…we do. Every day. With each breath. And yet we live our lives, thanking God for each glorious sunrise, that you, dear old Jeff, just might miss. And we sure do appreciate your condemnation and contempt for those of us struggling with our weight, as we battle a terrible disease.

And diabetes? According to Jeff, being overweight caused the diabetes. Just ask those, who only think they know, and they will fill you with humiliation and despair. But don’t give up. Don’t listen to them! They are wrong. No one knows exactly what causes diabetes. If they knew, there would be a cure. Diabetes, itself, causes weight-gain in 80% of diabetics. The other 20%? They struggle with extreme weight-loss, and it is not a blessing. It’s yet another symptom of diabetes. It you have diabetes, and you are struggling to maintain your weight, those extra pounds are not your fault! If you really DO practice secret eating, gorging with high sugared foods, well, then you have more problems than weight gain. Secret sugar-y eating can cost you your life!

Diabetes makes it difficult for the body to fight off other diseases. The flu. Asthma. Lupus. And many others. Then you have medications, which definitely promote weight gain. Prednisone. Anti-depressants. Blood pressure medications. And, the greatest offenders, diabetes medicines themselves. Feel like it’s just not worth it? Don’t listen to your negative self, especially when society already has written you off as a closet, chocolate cake eater. Don’t give up!

There are wonderful medications for diabetic neuropathy – that horrible stabbing, burning, stinging pain in your feet. They can get you back on your feet. One of the most effective for me is Metanx. Metanx is a vitamin compound, which enters the blood stream immediately, and it not only protects the nerves, it can actually heal them. Other nerve medications which help me with other neurological conditions are Lyrica, for my fibromyalgia, and Lamictal for my trigeminal neuralgia. These may, or may not, be diabetes related, but these medicines definitely help me.

I’m very aware that my extra forty pounds do not help the neuropathy in my feet; nor does my weight gain ease my osteoarthritis. So, here I am, much as you may be, overweight, in barely managed pain, needing to get on that treadmill, yet often finding it agonizing, just to place my feet down on the floor. So it irritates me to have some scrawny, salad eating, ten-mile a day runner – who desperately NEEDS a sandwich – sit in judgment on me! One day that woman will be suffering from advanced osteoporosis, due to her continuous dieting, and as she struggles to run a mile, she can shout out her disapproval of me, then! I feel angry and hurt, that there are people, who don’t even know me, and yet they judge me, as well as other diabetics, who are simply living their lives and doing the best they can.

The Apostle Paul tells us to have moderation in all things. So, let’s be moderate. Let’s eat wisely. We all know what to do, and we all know, we must get moving. If you can walk twenty minutes, WOW, good for you! That’s a great start. But, if you can only walk twenty steps, then do that ― three times a day. Move up to twenty-five steps four times a day. Little by little, a step at a time, placing your hand in the hand of God, keeping your eyes not on your goal, but on Him, you will lose your weight, a pound at a time. Your self esteem will increase, and you will no longer feel like a victim. You will feel like a champion. If other diseases find you, and you must take these steps again and again, do not give up. Keep going until God calls you home.

Heavenly Father, forgive me every time I have given up. Grant me the strength to keep going, in spite of depression, in spite of disease, in spite of the judgment of others. Grant me the grace to understand that to struggle is to be blessed with a walk that reflects the one that my Savior took up Calvary’s hill. Struggling beneath the weight of His Cross, placed there by my sins, He has forgiven me, and made me pleasing in Thy sight. You, my Lord, have never given up on me. May I never give up on myself. And may my life, and my struggle, be a glory unto You and to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com
http://www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com/
www.jayelewisdiabetesdiary.blogspot.com

Be Your Own Advocate by Jaye Lewis

I just looked into my old health record from when we were in the military. Big mistake. Every page described my list of symptoms preceded by the words “patient claims.” Oh, I see, so you claim. Uh-huh. Another frequent description of me was “cries for no apparent reason.” That was after I was verbally abused while I was in the Cardiac Care Unit.

I also loved reading: patient is obese white female, at 148 pounds, with ― well, you know ― who claims... I don’t know which was more offensive, being described as obese, at 148 pounds ― a weight that I would thank God on my knees if I were today ― or the insinuation that I might be lying; or the physical description of me, bringing to mind a rather swollen cow. This was at 148 pounds!

I’m not alone. Many of you have similar stories. If you do not have copies of your medical records, you may request them from your doctor. By law they must give you copies, without charge, except for a small fee for the copy paper. Usually this is less than $10.

At sixty-three, I have been poked, prodded, ignored, insulted, stripped naked in a teaching hospital (for a better view), and I have felt intimidated, demoralized, frightened, and helplessly angry. Usually, three days later, I would have the perfect response, but when in the presence of a team of doctors, I simply backed down without a word. Not anymore.

When I finally took my stand, I was sitting in a cardiologist’s exam room. He had instructed me to take everything off from the waist up, and to robe myself in a paper napkin sort of gown. So there I sat, feeling like a giant Kleenex, when in walks my very nice middle-eastern doctor, with a companion in tow.

“Mrs. Lewis, this is PA (Physician’s Assistant) So-and-so. You don’t mind if he assists me in my exam?” He sat down confident that I would simply acquiesce, as though this was an every day event, me disrobing for a crowd ― no more! ― and he was totally unprepared for my response.

“As a matter of fact, I do mind.” I said, feeling suddenly liberated and very much in charge. The PA turned beet-red and started backing out of the room. My doctor stood there, stunned, just looking at me for a very long forty-five seconds.

“Oh. Of course. Uh…PA What’s-Your-Name, would you please leave?” PA WHN was already closing the door. He probably had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the next exam.

Funny though this story may be, it has a very important message. No one will ever respect you, nor take care of you, quite as effectively as you can take care of yourself. I was in my fifties before I started taking care of myself. To be perfectly honest, my big, strong husband was sitting there, and I probably had more courage in that, than if I was alone. Nevertheless, I took care of myself. I was my own advocate.

All those years that I let myself be pushed around and insulted, I forgot who was working for whom. I forgot that I was the boss, and if I didn’t like a doctor, or he didn’t like me, I could hire someone else. Funny, I never thought of things that way. Now, things are different. I look at it this way. Perhaps my doctor will be miffed at me. Well, if so, why waste the effort? Go for broke. Show her or him that you are intelligent and informed.

Speak your mind. State your case. Bring a list of your symptoms ― one copy for your doctor and one for you. If you have a computer, look up your disease, with any new developments, and print that page. Always bring your Doc his or her copy. Avoid any medical sites online that have no scientific standing. I’m merely sharing what I have learned the hard way. There are numerous valid medical sites that are excellent resources. The sites with the most effective and up to date information are those ending with .ORG.

The American Diabetes Association www.diabetes.org
The American Heart Association www.americanheart.org
The Neuropathy Association www.neuropathy.org

These are just a few .ORG associations, which have a wealth of information, including diet, exercise, and new treatments available.

Other websites that offer great information and guidelines are those websites that end in .GOV

The National Institutes of Health (NIH) www.nih.gov
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) www.cdc.gov
U.S. Food and Drug Administration www.fda.gov

These are just a few of the places that I depend on for updated information. Be careful as you look up health information on the Web, since everyone, including me, has a blog or website. And everyone, not me, is an “expert.” Just ask them. There are more crack-pot “miraculous” cures out there than there are diseases. If you want miraculous, go to God. If you want scientific medical advice go to legitimate medical websites that end in .org or .gov. When you find the information you are seeking, print it out. Make two copies, one for you, and one for your doctor. Go armed and informed. You just may find out that you and your doctor have more in common than you thought.

Father in heaven, give us courage in the grip of our disease. Help each of us to be our own advocate. Help us to not back down in the face of criticism or ridicule. Many of us, including me, have gained so much weight, let us not be swayed by uninformed critics, who look at us, as though it is our fault we have this disease. Help us to forge ahead, looking not to the right nor left, but grant us Your grace to keep our eyes on You. Give our hearts a seed of understanding, and when we see our reflections in the mirror, help us to love what we see.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
www.entertainingangels.org
www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com
www.jayelewisdiabetesdiary.blogspot.com
www.jayelewisliliesofthefield.blogspot.com

Peace Within Our Souls by Jaye Lewis

Hello friends,

Have you ever felt as though you open your mouth only to change feet? Well, that was me yesterday. Remember me shrieking accusations against my doctor? She’s a minimalist I cried. Well, sometimes she is, but yesterday afternoon, she really came through. I am now on two drugs for my diabetes: Januvia at breakfast and Glumetza with supper. My blood sugar immediately came into line.

Now, remember that any change in medication, especially after weeks of inadequate treatment, can cause problems. For me it meant waking at midnight with a blinding migraine. Grabbing a couple of wrist-rub anti-nausea meds ― I do throw up violently, you know ― I headed for the couch, in the living room. Gosh, it felt like my head would explode, and I’ve been fighting it all day, today.

But my feet are better, so, recognizing that every step forward, often means a half-step back, I can weather this storm. In the meantime, I am, through the aid of my laptop, prowling through growers’ catalogues, lusting after lilies, my favorite flower.

I finally was able to order the double Tiger Lily that I’ve been drooling over for about three years. Sometimes it’s carried and sometimes not, but it seems that it has always been sold out. Ah-ha! But this time I bagged it. These are rare bulbs, a mutation of the original Tiger Lily. I’m not certain why these breathtaking bulbs are called “Tiger Lilies.” Yes, they are spotted, but then shouldn’t they be called “Leopard” Lilies? A notorious lily mystery.

So, now I’ll leave you, friends, with this little notation and a picture of my Tiger Lilies, that will always be my favorite. Sometimes, when life hands us adversity, it’s healing to be able to turn to the things we love, so that we many re-coop our perseverance, summon our strength, and find the peace within our souls.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
http://www.entertainingangels.org/
http://www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com/

Diabetes Treatments. A Ping-Pong Game by Jaye Lewis

Hello friends,

When I was a little girl, my grandmother came to stay with us. In those days, and for many years after, there was only one treatment for diabetes. Insulin. Insulin is a wonderful drug, which controls the sugar released by the liver, and the glucose created by the foods you eat. However, insulin has a down-side, also. It can make you ravenous, and you just may eat yourself out of house and home. I remember watching my grandmother give herself a shot of insulin. She did it matter-of-factly, just as she did everything. I was fascinated, but afraid, because I knew that one day I would have to do the very same thing. That was over fifty years ago.

Today, things are different. Beginning with the drug Diabinese, which my father was on in 1981, there has been an abundance of diabetes drugs, which have made it onto the diabetes treatment stage. I have been on four of these drugs.

My first diabetes drug was Avandia, which is not recommended as a “stand alone” treatment. Usually Avandia is prescribed as an assist to another drug. I went off of Avandia under the care of my doctor. The next four-plus years I spent on a treadmill and a VERY low-carb diet. It worked remarkably well. I lost close to 40 pounds, and I brought my A1c down from a high 7.5 to a 6.2. Ask your doctor about an A1c test. It is the best barometer to illustrate just how well your diabetes is being managed.

Around a year-and-a-half ago, I began to pile on the pounds. The searing pain in my feet made me unable to get on the treadmill, for weeks at a time. I knew something was going on. So off to my doctor I went, and I discovered, after testing, that my diabetes had changed. I would no longer be able to control my blood sugar with diet and exercise alone. I was devastated. I was over sixty, and life seemed hopeless.

As the pounds piled on, I began to look at myself as a most unattractive woman. I could not imagine my husband wanting to look at me, and when he told me that I was beautiful, I didn’t believe him. Oh, how I love my husband. I love his face. I love the warmth of his eyes, and I love his laugh. He is the best man I have ever known, and the most honest. However, because my self-esteem was now in the toilet, I just didn’t believe him. I’m ashamed to admit that.

With my A1c climbing, my doctor put me on Glumetza. Basically, Glumetza is a more improved version of the drug Glucophage, one of the earliest and safest drugs to treat diabetes. By that time, I had another problem. Asthma. And prednisone. Prednisone shoots my sugar up beyond belief. I once checked my blood sugar, on prednisone, and the reading was 680! I should have been in a coma! But much of those readings are false highs, yet still very dangerous. Now, I didn’t know what my blood sugar actually was.

From Glumetza, I went on to Byetta, which is given by injection. Byetta slows the digestive process to almost a halt, in my case. As a result, with a perpetually full stomach, my acid-reflux kicked into gear. I threw up. A lot. And I did not see a dramatic reduction in my blood glucose levels.

Next I was put on Januvia, which is a drug meant to assist another drug, so that your diabetes can be controlled. My doctor is a minimalist, and her trial and fail view of treatment, sometimes makes me crazy. I WANT MY DIABETES CONTROLLED!!! Get it over with!

So, right now I am in limbo. It’s like being between two worlds. The bottoms of my feet burn like I’m walking on hot sand, yet I must walk in order to keep my blood sugar in control! That is why I say that Diabetes treatments are a ping-pong game. Back and forth. Up and down. Ping and pong. Ping-pong.

I called my doctor this morning, and I left a detailed message with her nurse. I said my blood sugar is not in control with Januvia alone. Last night, before supper, my blood sugar was 177. That’s way too high before eating. It makes my hair stand on end. Since I have Glumetza on hand, I took that. We’ll see how well my blood sugar reacts with Glumetza alone.

Heavenly Father, forgive me for my impatience. I just want my diabetes controlled, so that I can enjoy the years I have left to live. I want to live my life to its fullest, without always worrying about what is happening to my heart and my blood vessels. I can’t bear the thought of losing a foot, simply because my blood glucose is out of control. Please, Father, let me hear back from my doctor, today, with a better treatment to control this disease which holds me in chains. And yet, as Jesus taught, by his own admission, not my will, but Thine be done.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
http://www.entertainingangels.org/
http://www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com/

A New Day by Jaye Lewis

Hello friends,

Today is the first full day on my new diabetes medication. My doctor had given me a sample pack, to see how my body would react. You see, when it comes to medications, I am a puker. I’m a lot like our big old mutt, Jessie Boy. My forehead gets a bit concerned. I feel saliva beginning to gather around the edges of my mouth. I stretch my lips into a ghastly smile…then…yak-yak-yak-yak-yak! So today it’s good-by Byetta and hello Januvia!

Byetta is a successful medication for about 66% of those who have been introduced to it. I believe that under different conditions than mine, it is a good medicine, and well worth the research that went into it. However, for me, and about a third of others, it was just not a choice that fit.

First of all, Byetta, in the words of their pamphlet, “slows gastric emptying, there-by reducing the rate at which meal derived glucose appears in the circulation.” Translated, that means food stays in your stomach 4EVER! Okay, probably about four hours, at least that was how it was for me. I was nauseous all the time; my acid reflux was over the roof; and, at night, I was aspirating my food. Nothing like breathing in a plate of spaghetti!

That is only for starters. My next biggest problem is that I am on a LOT of medication; for my heart, for neurological issues, for asthma, for arthritis, and for fibromyalgia. I’m sure I left something out, but you get my point. So, what do you think happens to medications when one is on Byetta? They go into the stomach and they stay there 4EVER! Medicine that is fast releasing doesn’t have a chance. All my other medicines were ineffective at best. Switching around my medications did nothing to alleviate my situation.

My pain levels hit the roof. I could barely walk, I had migraines constantly, and I threw up, nearly every day. To quote a sentence from my journal: “I had ‘this-this-and this’ for breakfast, and I vomited for lunch.” True entry, minus the “this-s.” For someone who tries not to dwell on food, all I thought about WAS food, especially the food that was gurgling around in my digestive tract.

The Byetta injections were not a problem. It’s true, since I do go on prednisone from time to time for my asthma, I bruise. Large bruises. And, I bleed. A lot. Yet still I learned to inject myself, and most of the time I had no ill effects. So, if your main concern is to control your insulin levels AND control your appetite, I would certainly discuss Byetta with your doctor.

Now, off with the old, and on with the new. I am now on Januvia, which is a pill, taken once a day. The rest is up to me. Eating healthy and exercise. For me, that means my treadmill.

I’ve missed my treadmill. It’s been a long time. I have diabetic neuropathy in my feet, and sometimes it is like walking on cactus; while other times it is what I call streaking pains in my lower legs and feet; then others, like having a horrible sunburn. I’m on several medications for that, and they are working.

So, today is the day that I begin anew. It’s like taking an old ball gown out of its wrappings, hoping that it will still fit. It’s like any good thing that time and circumstance has allowed to slip away from you; like a long-lost friend with whom you are reunited. So, have a wonderful day, my friends. There’s an old friend awaiting me, and I’ve miles to walk again.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
http://www.entertainingangels.org/
http://www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com/
http://www.jayelewisdiabetesdiary.com/

Diabetes. It's Not the End of the World by Jaye Lewis

The diagnosis was diabetes. It wasn’t my preferred diagnosis to explain my symptoms: blurred vision, weakness and fatigue, bruising, sudden weight gain, and overwhelming thirst. I also have a family history of diabetes, and adult onset asthma, which was treated with prednisone, did not help. I ballooned to nearly 200 pounds.

In my childhood, my mother did all she could to help me understand how to delay, or even defeat diabetes. Healthy eating choices and sustained exercise, even walking, is your best defense against the disease. Because of her wisdom and knowledge, I was able to delay the disease all the way into my fifties.

One day after suffering through a long period of illness, I suddenly realized that I had not escaped my family genetics. I called my doctor, and I told her I had diabetes. I was sure of it. I suggested a fasting blood breakfast test. Simply put, a breakfast test requires that you have your finger pricked after fasting the entire night before. Once they’ve established your fasting number – mine was 115, while 80 is normal – then you go out and have a big breakfast. Now, here’s the catch: from your first bite or drink of orange juice, you begin the count of 2 hours. Then you must be sitting in the doctor’s office at exactly 2 hours ― announcing your arrival to the nurse ― to have your finger pricked again. If your number is high — mine was 256 — then you have diabetes. But only your doctor can make the diagnosis.

My doctor still required me to have a glucose tolerance test. Now that’s more than a finger prick. That’s vials of blood. First, they take your blood to discover your fasting number. Since mine was pretty high, they should have called my doctor first, but they didn’t. Instead they gave me the most gosh-awful tasting pretend orange soda to drink, and let me tell you, I just gagged that stuff down in one gulp. Sipping delays the inevitable, and it can cloud the results of the test. Well to make a long story short, my top number was 302. I had diabetes.

When my doctor read the number, I thought she was going to cry. She so wanted me to avoid this disease. I wanted to put my arms around her, because she had done so much to help me get well, just from my asthma.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I can handle this. It’s what my family does. It’s who we are.”

“But I don’t know if I can handle it,” she answered, with a sigh, “and it certainly is not who I am.” It was obvious that she really cared about me, and I will never forget her care and concern for me.

She prescribed 1/2 an Avandia, daily, and ordered me to eat an 1800 calorie diet. Avandia worked for awhile, but then I started having sudden drops in my blood sugar. From 120 – pretty steady – suddenly down to 60. I blacked out in Wal-Mart. I collapsed on the stairs at Church, causing more than one person to suppose that I had a drinking problem.

Why me? I asked God, nearly every day, reminding Him of just how faithful I was. I told Him, in case He forgot, just how many times a day, that I had spoken to Him as my true Father. I informed Him that I had always believed I was one of His favorites. I suppose that the next sentence was, “Now DO something! The heavens seemed remarkably silent.

I was angry that my tests were positive. I was relieved that my tests were positive. I finally had an answer. I finally knew what my problem was, but I also wondered, why had I bothered to watch my diet for fifty years? Why had I walked thousands of miles over my lifetime just to avoid the disease? Why had I bothered to do any of the healthful things, that I had done? Just look at how God had struck me down!

“WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME???!!!” I cried. God’s illumination and understanding did not come quickly. It has unfolded, slowly, and I’m still learning.

I believe that one of God’s answers to me, is you. In traveling this journey to understand, perhaps I can help you. Perhaps you are standing where I was. Perhaps you feel anger and confusion. How could a loving God allow this? You’ve been good and faithful. You don’t deserve this. GOD! WHERE ARE YOU NOW THAT I REALLY NEED YOU???!!

I’ve been there. I’ve been you. And sometimes, even now, with so long a road behind me, I still cry out to God and ask WHY. He has given me some answers, and He has left many questions unanswered. I will share with you what I know about diabetes and God. I hope you will join me in this journey, so that we may walk this road together.

With love,
Jaye Lewis
http://www.entertainingangels.org/
http://www.entertainingangelsencouragingwords.blogspot.com/
http://www.jayelewisdiabetesdiary.blogspot.com/

Hello Friends!

This is a new venture for me. Having written often about my triumphs, trials and testimony on diabetes, I felt it was time to share even more, including my research on new medications, recipes, funny stories and photos. I hope that my continued journey of hope will be of service to you, my friend! - August 16, 2009